He Said, She Said
by winterpolis
Summary: Memories tainted red with regret. The ball is in her court now and there is only one chance left for him to make it right.


**a/n: **hello lovely people! it has been such a long time since i've written something here; and it's great to be back. though i will not be updating as frequent as i have my own thesis to worry about; i will try to come back every now and then. this is a new fandom that i'm writing into (though i've always been a fan of _arrow_ since day one!); and though i'm not writing about my _arrow_ otp, olicity (yes, yes, and yes!), i hope you give this one a shot. i have a soft spot for roylicty although it's not cannon (please, i think we all know i never really ship the cannon pairings, sadist shipper that i am *heart breaks*), but i guess it's partly because i super super _super_ ship emily bett and colton. like super. anyway, i think i've dawdled on long enough, on to this experimental oneshot!

**a/n 2:** also, i don't really follow the series episode by episode because i barely have time for anything these days, so most of these drabbles will be au. sorry about that. as always, unbeta-ed and too many dashes and awkward phrasings for my own good; but i'm not going to apologize for fumbling through my first attempt to write about this ship. no sir.

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He's been standing outside the coffee shop for an hour. Snow is beginning to fall thickly all around him, and he thinks it's ironic how his excitement for tonight has slowly faded with each snowflake that falls—for each second that ticks away on his watch, cruelly reminding him that she's not coming. He's huddled by the door, the warmth of his winter clothes—that _she_ had chosen for him the day they went shopping on a summer evening and had the sales clerk raising a brow at them because who in their right minds would be shopping for winter clothes in _summer?_—suddenly not so comforting anymore; now that she's not here to dust off the snow on his shoulders; now that she's not here to beam at him like he's the entire world—_her _entire world.

But that was a long time ago—before he messed up, before he gave her a reason to walk out of his life, before everything came crashing down with just (_"So what are you saying, Roy?"_).

one (_"What I'm saying is that...God, this is harder than I thought and I just never meant to hurt you. Please don't look at me that way; this is killing me just as much as it's killing you, Fel. But _she_'s back and I don't know...we talked and everything felt like _before _and I just...I'm so sorry."_).

stupid (_"So uhm, Thea. She'll make_—_makes_—_you happy?"_).

decision. (_"She still does, Fel. And that's why I have to do this. I can't drag you around knowing that we're at the brink of _something_ but still have feelings for _her_. I just...she was my first love, you know?"_).

Such a stupid decision (_"Yeah, I know. And that's why...that's why I'm not going to beg you to stay. I'm not going to ask you why. Because I understand. Because if the tables were turned, I wouldn't want to have you make me choose between my past and my present. So if it's the past you choose, then I hope you're happy. That you _stay_ happy. Because God knows we deserve to be happy, Roy. And if Thea makes you your happiest, then it's time for me to go. I don't like how we ended, and I won't pretend it doesn't hurt like hell_—_because it does. More than when Oliver left. But I also won't pretend that I'm ready to be _just friends_ with you right now. Maybe in the future, maybe never. But...thank you, Roy. For all the memories, for this past year. I never thought I could be so alive. Goodbye, Harper."_).

He should have known better than to hope. But the fact that she'd replied to his text, albeit it was only two letters (read: 'OK') and a whole week later after he'd pressed the "send" button, he had felt a surge of hope.

_Yeah, a surge of hope I should have cut in the bud while I still could_.

Roy winces as the coffee shop door being pushed open by the nth customer since he had stood waiting brings him out of the painful memories, and he realizes he doesn't even know what to say to her _if_ she shows up. It was an impulsive thing, to send that text; but he didn't know what else to do. Six months after she left and walked out of his life, six months of being reunited with Thea, showed him exactly why things never worked out with the Queen heiress and why it always felt like it would work out with _her_. It only took one snort from Thea as the opening credits of _It's a Wonderful Life _came on screen on their Christmas Eve get-together for him to realize that he'd been the biggest fool to let _her _go.

Yes, Thea was his first love. Yes, the moment she came waltzing back into his life and they got around to talking had brought on a rush of what they used to have before. But no, it did not mean that they should have gotten back together. They were entirely different people and no matter how hard he tried to make it work, it never would because even if he didn't realize it then (he certainly realized it now), he had already fallen in too deep in love with Felicity. He was suddenly aware of everything Thea did that _she_ wouldn't have done, of all the things _she _always said but Thea didn't. To be brutally honest, while Thea was her own kind of amazing, he just wanted one kind of amazing. _Her_ kind.

And he'd let her go. Just like that. Just because his past came back.

_Stupid moron. Fool. Idiot. Bastard. Wimp. Sissy. Nin_—

"Roy?"

He stops kicking the snow-coated gravel long enough to look up and meet the familiar blue eyes he'd come to love and miss during their time apart. Her hair is wind blown and sprinkled with snowflakes, but he doesn't mind. She's still the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Felicity?" he sounds breathless and like he'd swallowed a whole jar of peanut butter, he knows, but at that moment, he doesn't care. He doesn't care because she's _here._ In front of him. In the flesh.

He doesn't even realize he's crying—_crying_—until she hastily steps towards him and wipes the tears from his cheeks with shaky fingers.

"Felicity," he repeats, swallowing back the urge to just breakdown and cry at her feet. But there would be time for that later. Who knows how long she'd stay?

"Last time I checked my birth certificate, that's my name. Unless of course I'm adopted and not really Felicity Smoak," she cracks a wry smile and he chuckles for what feels like the first time in forever. Just seeing her has turned him into an overwhelming, quivering mess of emotions; and he's thankful that she's there to attempt to put him back together, even if she's unaware of it.

A semblance of comfortable silence falls over them as he takes in a deep breath, and Roy knows he should speak up if he ever wants to get her back.

"How've you been?" the words are out of his mouth before he's even aware of it and she turns to look at him, a small, tentative smile settling on the corners of her lips.

"I've been doing fine. My mom and I talk a lot more and that's great. I've missed having my mom around and I'm just grateful she's not so distant anymore. Work is fine too, if you're going to ask. Ray, you remember him?" when he nods his head, she continues. "He's a sweetheart; and one of my friends from college recently came for a visit and you wouldn't believe how instantly they clicked! I know he's going to ask her out soon; I can just feel it..."

A wistful smile settles on his face as she rambles on. He missed this, he realizes, just hearing her talk, seeing her eyes light up; and for the first time, he realizes just how much she loved him then. How much she might still love him _now_. Because instead of being guarded and distant like he expected her to be, her walls immediately fell the moment he asked her how she was. He saw it in her eyes. He could only hope he was right.

"Felicity," he interrupts, and he shakes his head at how he's said her name thrice already tonight. He missed the way her name rolled off his tongue.

She immediately stops talking and looks up at him. She takes in a deep breath. "Yeah?"

He looks at her for a long while. _Really _looks at her. "Why are you here?"

The blonde looks takes aback. "Excuse me?"

"Why are you here?" Roy repeats, carefully and softly.

Her eyes blaze with fire—anger or surprise, he doesn't really care; he just wants to hear her answer. "You're the one that texted me a week ago, asking me to meet up with you at this spot. Why are you asking me the question I should be asking you?"

"Because I need to know why you _came_. I hurt you, Felicity. You had every reason not to come and meet me, but you did. And as much as I'm glad that you're actually here...I need to know why you came."

At his explanation, her face softens and the fire in her eyes dim; but she doesn't offer her own. He decided to fill the silence instead.

"I was actually waiting for an hour," he chuckles humorlessly, throwing all caution to the wind. Might as well bare his soul now. "I thought you stood me up. I was thinking about everything that happened and how I stupidly let you go. I never forgave myself for that. I hurt you and threw everything we had and could have been down the drain. I realized too late that Thea didn't make me happy, at least not my happiest. _You_ did."

Her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to interrupt him, but he raises his hand in a silent plea to let him finish his speech before he lost his courage.

"I...I was miserable after you left. She tried to make it better, fill in your shoes; but it was different. I realized too late that I was too in love with you, and that the 'feelings' for her that came along with her return were only a result of not being able to come to terms with having feelings for you despite the fact that we acted and were definitely more than friends. For some reason it just never came across to me as a relationship. It's confusing, I know. It's complicated and messy and I don't have everything figured out just yet, but I need to know. Did you come back because you wanted to give me a piece of your mind, or because you still have feelings for me?"

There's silence in the wake of his heart-baring speech. It's almost thick enough to cut with a metaphorical knife, and he's at the end of his wits waiting for her to answer.

A couple of minutes passes before she finally breaks his agony.

"I came because I never stopped loving you."

_Well, I'll be damned._

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That's all I can offer you folks! Sorrynotsorry for the cliffhanger.

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Dedicated to** Samantha**. One of my best friends, we've been through hell and high together. I hope you loved this.


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